He is not my first love

27 years ago, when we lived in uncertainty life, he left us.
To give us a better life is the reason that allowed him to go with our tears.
He came back once in a month twice.
The 3rd times he went, he never came back.
Until we received a letter and understood that he will not be ours any more.

As an ordinary human being, we were disappointed.
We were sad, angry, broken-hearted, hate, frustrated, whatever you name it.
Each of us tried to survive since our life must go on.
We were trying hard to live our life with the rest of our faith
That this is our destiny
That we have no option except waking up, stand on our own legs and walk
We must continue our journey, to face whatever will be happened ……… without him

“A father is his son’s first hero and his daughter’s first love”
That words, maybe I’m the only one who disagree with.
Yes, “he” in above story is my father.
He is not my first love, definitely.
I never dream to have a husband, a father of my children like him.

4 months ago, I picked him up at the airport.
I was being touched to see an exhaustion face wrapped by a body which was not young any more.
Hey hey wait!!! Where is my anger? Where is my hatred? My disappointment?
Did I already move on ? I didn’t know
I only realized that he needs me now, that’s it
And then we start our days in togetherness

 

2 days ago he got heart attack
Today is the second day he is lying in hospital bed
He is trying hard to deny his weakness
In his old face I can see the battle between himself with his ego, his pride, his past

I don’t know what to do
Only himself who can help to win his battle
All that I want is he recover soon
I want to see his laughing with my kids, have a chitchat about anything after I arrived home everyday

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Is this love ? Or only because I feel that I managed to get him back ?
I don’t know
I really don’t know …
Yeah I should admit that I missed his presence
My kids, his grandchildren also feel the same

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Get well soon Papa…
Get well soon Akung…

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